Short jokes
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
What is a spaceman’s favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar!
How do you make a blond snowman? You can't, you have to hollow out the head.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
Why are women like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
Don't trust stairs... They are always up to something.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?
"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"
What do you call it when tectonic plates start racing?
Continental Drift.
So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
Did you know all Canadians have the same blood type?
They all have blood "eh."
Do you want to hear a paper joke?
Never mind, it is tearable.
My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!