Short jokes
If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."
Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
In Soviet Russia,
You love Chinese and hate Chinese.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
What did the kid say to the toilet?
"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I will kill your family.
There are more genders than there are cars in a Walmart parking lot.
What do big fat male cows have?
Moobs.