Short jokes
What’s another name for cumming in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
What number is better than 69?
88 'cause you get ate twice.
What do you call AG?
A beta male.
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
What do you get if you cross Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? A blonde n1gger cunt.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.
Men.
Why are orphans always sad?
Because their parents aren't there to cheer them up.
If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
One has a home.
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
How to become a monkey?
Put a red dot on your forehead.