Short jokes
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
Dying mall be like...
"Toys" were us.
Goodbye, kitty.
Dying Canes.
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Time to play guitar!
*absolutely shreds*
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.
Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.
What do you call a cemetery of dead Arabs? A mine field.
Politics.
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Your hairline is so old, it’s more wrinkled than my great grandpa's penis.
I love climbing over walls because my ancestry was Mexican.
What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!