Short jokes

Voting is like doing a group project in school.

I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.

The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.

What do you call an artist with a brown finger?

Picasshole.

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.

My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.

I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.

Your mum stinks of disabled people.

Wanna know why?

I don't know either, you tell me.

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?

"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?

What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?

He didn't either.

Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.

Yo mama's so dumb, she trips over the wireless internet.

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."

There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.

I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.