Short jokes
Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.
The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
You're so ugly, even a Snapchat filter can't fix it.
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
Harry Potter is a movie about a grown adult man with an unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy.
Why do orphans always come back?
Because I love cock.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Your dead son.
Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.