Short jokes
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
Cheesiest jokes.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
Why was Stephen Hawking so good at FIFA? He had 99 dribble.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
Goes to school with blue suppressed pistol. #1 Victory Royale!
OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
Q: What type of mother gives their daughter sperm? A: A furry mother.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
Elephant
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.