Short jokes
Puss.
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
POV: Your mum is a bomber.
What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!
Your hairline is so hideous that Derrick White's hairline envies yours.
What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.
What should I sell my dragon for?
Dragon these balls across yo face!
Your hairline is so discombobulated, it looks like a geometrical shape.
What is a necrophile's least favorite game?
The Walking Dead.
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"
What's the difference between Lana Del Rey and Milli Vanilli?
Milli Vanilli won a Grammy.
Your friend is so fat, when he took the group pic, he was the background.
Me: What's the fifth month of the year?
Friend: May.
Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Am I a guard or a guava?
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing away the bent ones!
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.