Short jokes

The cashew called the peanut boring.

The peanut felt very unsalted.

What do you call super expensive shoes?

Cashews.

How do you catch an elephant?

Act like a peanut.

Can I ask you a question? Nut now!

The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.

If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.

Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.

I want an almond-flavored biscuit.

A friend asked what an acorn is.

I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.

"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

IBC.

IBC who?

I'll be seeing you later.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.