Short jokes
Wanna come hang out with me?
What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?
They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.
A: Knock knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.
B: Package from Te-?
A: BOOM!
What do orphans not see on a controller?
The home button.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.
"Slow and steady wins the race."
What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?
It's white and it's brown.
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
Hey, this is to orphans:
"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"
You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.
Think about it.
Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.
Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Your Boyfriend.
Your Boyfriend who?
Your Boyfriend who doesn’t love you! Bye!
Twitch & YouTube revenue. Haha funny joke, eheh!
Yo mama so fat that when she was on the moon, she had it sent right into the abyss of outer space.
What did the acorn say when it grew up?
Geometry.
(Geometry= "Gee, I'm a tree!")