Short jokes
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
Orphan: I'm hungry.
Dad: Let's go to KFC.
Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
What do lesbians love to use in art class?
Scissors.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
Why do women love wind chimes?
They vibrate.
I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
What do you call angry midgets?
Short-tempered.
Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Does money grow on trees? No.
What is money made of? Paper.
What is paper made out of? Trees!
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
Which tower is better at playing catch? The south tower, obviously. It caught 2!