Short jokes
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
Yo... Kobe, you're going down man. Did you forget the low grade fuel?
It is a known fact that you cannot say “harassment” without “her ass.”
I guess you could say, “harassment something.”
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?
Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.
*also him*
Anakin Skywalker: I lived on sand.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”
Papaumamaumau papaumaumamau.
A man is depressed and he sighs. A bully says, "Stop sighing, you sound like some guys having a threesome!"
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both love naughty souls.
What happens when a cow farm gets destroyed, then built up again?
It'll be udder renovation!
How do you ride two bikes at once?
You ride them in tandem!
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
Takis.
Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.
Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.
"Hi, I’m Dan White’s dad. Where is he?"