What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Short Jokes
What fruit is square and green? A lemon in disguise.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
Are multiple choice questions too easy?
A) Yes.
Wanted: Sperm donors. Please come quickly!
I am Thor.
And next year, I will be five.
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
