Short jokes
I never make that type of joke. They always seem to crash and burn.
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
You know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help!
You ever notice that the USA could be a part of Russia?
RUSSIA US A
You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."
Your mom is so fat that the photographer had to go to the moon just to click the photo of her belly button.
What do the Twin Towers and Angry Birds' pigs have in common?
They always getting hit.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...
And then it hit me.
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
It's not a joke.