Short jokes
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
Are you the Twin Towers? 'Cause you sure upgraded.
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?
Once they turn 18, they never come back.
You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.
Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
She keeps on running from the ball.
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
What is an orphan's favorite game?
Solitaire.
We should stop being mean to orphans.
We should be cruel instead.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
I asked the Titanic an icebreaker question.
It couldn't answer.
I put the fun in funeral.
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
You look too old to be living with your grandma.