Short jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?

The Demon at least has a trade offer.

What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Robin, get in the car.

What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?

Teacher: No?

Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."

Make like a drum and beat it!

What did the neutrino say to the planet?

"Just passing through."

My parents love me.

What's a duck's favorite drug?

Cwack.

When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.

It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.

Why did the electron leave the atom?

Because it wanted to be Argon.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."

How do you get a Japanese fanclub?

Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!

How do you know a vampire's sick?

If he's coffin (coughing?)

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.