Short jokes
What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY!
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe!
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
What's a boxer's favorite drink? A punch. 🥤🥤