Short jokes
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
What does a Jamaican guy say to an Asian?
Poke me, mon.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?
Soaked...
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
What happens when you mess with a farmer? You get the whole ranch.
What did the sun say to the Earth?
"Am I hot?"
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
Jesus is a rock music fan.
Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.
Yo Mama so fat that when she took a photo of herself to get it printed out, it took 15 years to finish!
What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.
Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?
Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?