Short jokes
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
"Just killed a woman, feeling good."
- Tommyinnit
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?
Ilean.
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?
"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
Where do astronauts 👩🚀 keep their sandwiches 🥪?
In their launch box! 🚀📦😂
What is the definition of a woman?
A life support system for a vagina.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?
Shampoo.
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!