Short jokes
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?
“He/he.”
What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?
“What in the world did I just read?”
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?
She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
What’s the most emo country in the world?
Qatar.
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
How do you disrespect an Asian?
Give them driving lessons.
NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Osama bin Laden rated America.
He gave us a 9/11.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
When Helen Keller tries singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl,
Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa.
What did the Twin Towers say to each other?
Sorry if that offended anyone.
“I guess we are going down together!”
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.