Short jokes
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How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.
How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.
How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
What kind of air does Ariana breathe?
Helium?
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Thank God I went on the tenth.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.