Short jokes
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
The difference between George Floyd and Kobe Bryant is Kobe got air.
They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!
Why were her hands purple?
She heard it through the grapevine.
Why are the English so bad at chess?
Because they lost their queen.
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
Your mama was so fat that she sunk the Titanic!
Kid 123, how's downline Orphan what? Home! 😂😂😂😂😂 Sorry.
What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.
What's Japan's favorite hot sauce?
Da Bomb.
Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"
No one wants him, not even the bees.
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!