Short jokes
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Why are English people bad at chess? 'Cause they lost their Queen.
Why can't the US play chess? 'Cause they lost their towers.
I diddled for a total of 67 times. I am the ultra Gooner. My cum is everywhere. I am the goon master.
Yo momma so dumb, she got kicked off the short bus.
I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.
If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.
Q. What's Terri Schiavo's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
Q. Why aren't jokes about bulimia funny?
A. They're just in bad taste.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.
When your crush walks in class, but you're homeschooled...