Short jokes
What do you call a pig in a blanket?
My wife on a cold day.
Did you know that water is wet?
Why were the Twin Towers made on 9/11? They ordered pepperoni pizza but got plane.
Why can't the English play chess? Because they lost their queen. And why can't the US play chess? Because they lost their towers.
Why does everyone say there are mines in Bosnia? There are no-
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
How much semen can a gay man hold? A buttload.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Your hairline is so far back, a pilot thought it was an airplane.
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
What do you call an under-the-weather seven?
A sick seven.
Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?
Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.
Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.
So I was living with a girl for a few weeks, and it was nice until she found out that I was there.
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
What is a Care Bear's favorite job?
Take care of bears.
Your mama is so fat, the photo I took of her last Christmas is still printing.
Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.