Short jokes

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?

Because daddy never came back home with the milk.

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My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

I should probably stop making abortion jokes.

After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.

Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.

Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.

Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?

Because all the other letters are not Z's.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.

He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."

You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

I don't laugh at Trump.

I was taught to NEVER make fun of the mentally handicapped.

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.