Short jokes
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
"Say what you want about the deaf."
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.
Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
Just do it.
What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
Communists don't play Minecraft.
They play Ourcraft.
Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.
My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"
When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.