Short jokes
There are three Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
The cop!
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
How do you piss off a feminist? You rape her.
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.
Why do you need an AR-15?
So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
They didn't burn witches back in the day, they burned bitches.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby, it would be a turd covered in semen.
Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?
Because they don't like Dick's!
What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go...woo woo woo.
Did you know there's a brand of coffee specifically for pedophiles?
It's called the Ep-bean.
If Fascism got popularized by autistics, the trains would have run on time.
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.
Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.