Short jokes

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

You're so hot!

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

Yo mama is so fat, she jumped on a trampoline and she broke it.

Yo mama so fat, she eat 60 Big Macs while singing "Badaaha."

I put the fun in funeral.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?

Have a blood transfusion.

All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.

Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!

I wanna take drowning lessons, but I can't find more than one session.

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

Bob the builder.

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"