Short jokes
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
You know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help!
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.
"I’m coming for you two!"
I never make that type of joke. They always seem to crash and burn.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
I have done a ton of work. A skele-ton.
So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
Osama bin Laden
Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.