Short jokes
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It's the wurst.
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?
Your virginity.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.