Short jokes
What is the difference between me and food?
Food has a use.
I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."
"White people can't jump..."
"You must not have seen the Twin Towers on 9/11."
What does a furry call a sexy furry?
A foxy lady!
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."
How does she know I have that?
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
Wanna know the last words of the south tower?
"HAHA LOOK AT YOU! IMAGINE BEING HIT YOU L BOZO!"
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
The adoption center threw a party. Why? 'Cause the parents weren't home.
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
Your hairline's so ugly, it turned Medusa to stone!