Short jokes

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.

What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

An Irish guy walks out of a bar....

Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

Their knees.

I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.