Short jokes
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
Who make hard candy for the kids?
Solve.
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Me: Hey, what book are you reading?
Him: "The Twisted Ones."
Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
I wank over Rose Watson.
What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
How do you confuse a ginger?
Throw a cross at them.
Why did the blonde run outside naked?
She thought the steam was a gas leak.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
What does Stephen Hawking eat for breakfast? His shoulder.
If a king farts, is it a noble gas?
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!