Short jokes
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.