Short jokes
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
Look in a mirror.
Where do sick boats go? The dock!
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What did the neutrino say to the planet?
"Just passing through."
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
Where do the Borg eat fast food?
Borger King.
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.