Short jokes
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?
He would be robin.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
I told a chemist a joke.
No reaction.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.