Short jokes
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.
It was one-sided.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.