Short jokes
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
Why did the Down syndrome person cross the road? Because there was a zebra crossing!
Women.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
I wish you guys all died.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
My brother
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.