Abduction jokes
Why did the pedophile get kicked out of the candy store?
Because he snatched all of the Sour Patch Kids.
The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.
Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped? Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
What do you call an orphan with parents?
I don't know... what?
Kidnapped. :)
Why do white people get abducted by aliens?
Because they're easier to see in the dark.
There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
This isn't a joke but...
GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."