Short jokes
How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
When is a car not a car?
When it's a house.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
What did the Arch bridge say to the Truss bridge?
"I Truss-ted you!"
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Why do disabled people get picked on so much?
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive.
Must be Asian.
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
Your mom gay.
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.