Short jokes
Why is helium so expensive? It is due to inflation.
What do you call a gay friend?
Miguel Del Rosario Domingo.
My friend had no school because of heavy snow.
Guess you could say it was a snow school day!
"Is Mrs. Wall here?"
"No."
"Is Mr. Wall here?"
"No."
"Then what is holding up the walls?"
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
Survival Guilt.
I wanna see Stephen Hawking on nitrous.
Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
Some man was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.
Stephen Hawking tried to crack Abutu.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
My life is such an udder disappointment. What an udder failure!
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
Alle Kinder heißen Rune, außer einer Pussy.