Short jokes

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

Gaston gets the no-Belle prize! :D

I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"

Glue is sticky.

hahahahahhhahaha

You're do annoying like your fucked up hairline.

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

He he he.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."

One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."

The other said, "Really? I like my bed."

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.

I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.