Short jokes
A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?
Battery acid.
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
What did the teacher say to the student?
Orange you glad to see me?
What's a tree's least favorite TV show? Chopped!
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.
God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
Only Fortnite players will get it.
Where do you get salt water? Salty Springs.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.