Short jokes
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...
Here’s my pun.
Yup literally nothing... jeez this was pretty plain.
Mary had a little lamb.
Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.
What is Beethoven's favorite vehicle?
A van.
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
Hi, my name is Bob.
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
What did the Olympic Swimmer call his son?
Paul.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.