Short jokes
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
Why did the Ice Cube complain about being so warm? Because he was dropped on the floor.
What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
Why did that fish cross the road?
Just for the halibut (hell of it)!
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
Hi, my name is Crappy. I like tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and ya now GET LOST!
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
Sauron said, "Eye see all."
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
What's the hardest part of riding a scooter?
Telling your parents you are gay.
Where does Bin Laden keep his CDs?
In Iraq.