Short jokes
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!
You know buddy, that is really...
boroning.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
Why did the Ice Cube complain about being so warm? Because he was dropped on the floor.
What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
Why did that fish cross the road?
Just for the halibut (hell of it)!
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.