Short jokes
If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."
Where is my dad?
Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.
"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
Jnnnnnnnnnnnjjjjjjjjjooooooojjkk.
At my most fear, I shit my pants.
What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
Why though?
Where do cows stop to drink?
The Milky Way!
Where does a girl with one leg work?
IHOP.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"