Short jokes
My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
Coffee has been the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.
Arsenal
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!
Taja?
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
Hitler.
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
What language do people at the center of the Earth speak?
Core-an (Korean)
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.