What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Short Jokes
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What did the water say to the water? "Water" you doing?
Wanna hear the car joke?
Nah, it's too fast for you.
Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.
Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!
Why did Stephen Hawking die? His ethernet cable fell out.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
My life...
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
