Short jokes
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
reCAPTCHA
When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
My name is Gunter.
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
Why can't blondes make ice?
They forgot the recipe.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
Is it all right when there is nothing left?
AIDS?
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."