Short jokes
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
Hey girl, are you a wizard? Because you cast lit in my Final Fantasy!
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Travis has baby hands.
Okay, so I ate an apple and it tasted good.
Why did Bob fall? Because gravity was mad at him.
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
Why did the boy get run over?
Sally was driving.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!
Plane versus plane. Who wins? Plane.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?
Roses are red.
Roses are red.
Roses are red.
I smell burnt toast.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
Sun.