I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Short Jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?
He didn’t; he never did.
Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
What did the fish say to the other fish? "You have a big butt!"
The other fish said, "We don't have butts......"
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."
I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."
He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."
I like whiteboards.
They're quite re-markable.
You guys have very baaaaaaa-d puns!
"Bippity Bobbity Boo, Boo Radley is coming for you!"
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
He's in a wheelchair.
Teacher: Don’t run into the road!
Down syndrome: Weeeeee!
Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.
