Short jokes
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
Y'all are whack at jokes, y'all suck!
Website: Submit a joke :-)
Me: My life.
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!
My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
Why are Indians dark?
Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.
I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."
Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.
My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.
What do cows read? The moospaper!
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
What do you call a skeleton's egg?
An egg-i-BONE!