Short jokes
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his mother.
Why are orphans rude at school?
What's the school going to do? Call their parents?
"Igma is my balls."
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
What do a blonde and a cow have in common?
They're both fat af.
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Sub to Pwediepie!
What do blind people take for granted? Sight.
Do atoms eat booty? No, because they are too cool. ;)
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.