Short jokes
There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).
Susie: Ling Ling, truth or dare?
Ling Ling: Truth.
Susie: What happened to Stacie's dog?
Ling Ling: Dare.
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
No, "quarter quarter."
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"
Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"
Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)
So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
Read the next line.
Read the previous line.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?
Idiot 2: I don't know why.
Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
Ines.
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!
Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.