Short jokes
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...
"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
"COVERBITCH, your worthless."
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
Eggshausted.
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
Haha, you're gay!
An obese kid farts.
Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
What is 14 inches long and starts with D?
A Dookie From GREEN DAY
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
I’m a clown...
And everyone knows.
What do you do with a dead scientist?
You barium.
How did they know the teacher onboard the spaceship had dandruff?
Cause her Head and Shoulders were everywhere!
Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: You're both!
Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"