Short jokes
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?
They didn't have a category for Bald, so I chose the Bald Eagle.
Did you know that bald people have an endless forehead?
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
What do you call a un-funny rock?
A normal rock.
F66666666666666666666666666
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
*insert pun here*
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
What do you say when your brother has too many jeans?
"Gene-ious!"
What is a chicken's favorite day of the week? Fri-day.
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
Three conspiracy theories walked into a bar, now tell me that's not a coincidence!
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
A handicapped person was making fun of me, so I walked away.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.