Short jokes
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?
Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."
But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.
What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?
The pussies are limited edition.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.
Air.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?