What’s the difference between Rosa Parks and Muhammad Ali?
One fought for freedom, the other fought for fun.
Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.
Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
I loved the Twin Towers, it's a shame my dad didn't.
Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals!
Yo mama was so dumb, he didn't know how to turn on his computer.
