Short jokes
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties.
FAKE NEWS!
All of Trump's ties are made in China.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
Do you know when an African doesn't feel hungry?
When he is dead.
Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
Minimalism is a scam created by Big Small to sell more less.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
What [is] another name for an abortion?
Canceling your delivery.
Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.
Me: Me.
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.